I'm a Bar Psychotherapist

I love the Mai Tai bar, so we often find ourselves there on a Friday or Saturday evening, having a few drinks and meeting the most interesting people. On this particular Friday, I was a little tired and wanted to flake, I've determined that I will try to lead a flake free life this year. So D, M and I are at Mai Tai, having hilarious conversation and partaking of more than one picture of beer. I'm feeling a little bitchy and there was a guy standing in front of us. I tell D and M, "How's this guy in front, he thinks he's so fricken hot and he's so not, acting all bad ass. Whatevah!" Then not 5 minutes later, the guy turns around and says, "Hi ladies, how you guys doing tonight? Having a good time?" I thought, man, I'm such a jerkbag. That guy was pretty nice after all. And yet, I still haven't learned my lesson for the night about making assumptions about people.

So later, I look across from us and see a certain local celebrity with minor national success and I say to my friends like a wiseass, "Oh no, I don't think this place is big enough for us and --'s ego." I'm assuming that he's a chauvanistic bastard right? He was talking to some girl that totally looked like she wanted to bone him. So a couple minutes later, he comes up to D and says something and I see her pointing to me. So he comes over and asks my opinion on something that the girl was telling him so I said, "All she really wants to do is oof you." Still a little sassy because at this point I still think he's Ego Man! He just turns and says, "Really? Do you think she wants to oof me?" I take a better look at him and realize that he's being serious and say yeah, she does. Let's call him Sunny for the sake of this story. And no, it doesn't have anything to do with him, I just looked outside and saw the sun so his nickname will be Sunny.

So we engage in a conversation about the girl when another guy on the other side of me (that I thought was pretty cute at first) says, "Eh, your friend in the green, she get one boyfriend." I look at D and say, "No". He then tells me, "You lie, I know she get one boyfriend!" My response, "Yeah, because I like to walk around bars telling random guys that my friends don't have boyfriends when they really do." His reaction, "Huh?" My disgust, "It's called sarcasm. You might want to try it sometime." Duh! His pickup line then was "Ask her if she ever had one guy with one six-pack?" "Uh, you mean a six-pack Heineken's cause I don't see no other kind of six-pack around here." Yeah, he was pretty special the Heiny boy was.

Then Sunny comes back and starts talking about girls and says he has a girlfriend that is perfect in almost every way. She 's beautiful, sweet, has a good job and is in general a nice person, he just doesn't want to oof her every night. Then he started going on this rant asking if that makes him a bad person. He said that he is older and needs to settle down and an attitude like would be more acceptable if he was 21 but not know that he's in his late 30's. While he is telling me this, Heiny Boy is pulling my shirt telling me to hook him up with my friend. I mean seriously guys, do I look like Dr. Fricken Ruth? So finally, I tell D, "Eh, this guy like oof you." The guy was like "No! I never say that! I never say I wanted to oof her!" So I said, "You didn't have to say that you wanted to oof her. Ultimately, that's what you want is to get in her panties, or did you think she was hot and just wanted to have super exciting conversation with her?" He didn't really respond because I think he was shame. He did end up asking her for her number but told her, "I don't have a phone so I going remember the first 3 numbers and tell my friend to memorize the last 4." See - special.

So after a few hours of having some kind of drunken, counseling session with Sunny. All the while, I'm trying to maintain my buzz and have a good time and still be comforting and give good advice. My parting words to him as we were leaving Mai Tai, "Just behave your damn self!"

Phew! Now that was an unusual night at Mai Tai - still entertaining and drunken. One major downside - Saturday hangovers suck. As I age, the recovery time from a night of drinking gets longer and longer, so I was pretty much cabbage all that Saturday. I did learn that I am a super judgemental person and what I thought about every sinle one of those guys was completely different than what they actually were like and so I just need to stop being a damn negative bitch and believe better of people. LMAO, like that's going to happen.