Plug Rugs - Must Have Item of 2009

Saw this on the internet and thought to myself...man, if I had to be an ad writer for this person's products, I would make it as fucked up as the product itself.

Here's what my ad would say:

Punani be cold no more. Get the Plug Rug. This attractive yet useful fashion accessory keeps your tampons warm for those cold, winter, nights. No more will the walls of your vagina shrink and shiver in fright from the icy cold plastic of your tampon. Never fear, Plug Rug is here. Need to make a quick trip to the bathroom but don't want to haul your whole bag with you? Plug Rugs are perfect for disguising your tampon as you make a quick change. They take up almost no room in your purse and you'll be envied by your friends. Usually $5.00 but it can be yours today for the discount price of $4.00. Buy one for you and one for a friend. Get your Plug Rug today!

Hand made by women with nothing better to do than think up amazingly useless idea such as these...and they have the nerve to charge you 5 bucks a piece. Seriously one of the more fucked up things I've seen sold on the internet. If you really are interested in a Plug Rug, they can be found at www.etsy.com. Etsy has alot of great things, please don't let Plug Rug dissuade you from buying anything there, most people are not that strange...I hope.

Guys are like Burgers.

I don't know how or why this amazing revelation came to me, but they totally are. Go with me on this one.

Let's start with the McDonalds Hamburger Guy. Ladies, if your man is like a McDonald's Hamburger, put it back where you got it! Let's face it, McDonald's Hamburgers are not horrible, but they are kind of dry. They don't have any special sauce - only ketchup, mustard and a pickle. They are lacking at least one major component that makes a burger great - cheese. And really, these burgers are only fulfilling for children. This burger is like a dry, boring, guy that has nothing special about them that cannot be involved in a fulfilling relationship because he can only relate to children.

Then you have men who are like a McDonalds McDouble. They have a little extra meat. They have one cheese but are lacking enough to make them truly great. Again, no special sauce but at least they appeal to adults...cheap ass adults. McDonald's McDouble Guy is again, kinda dry, less boring than McDonald's Hamburger Guy, has some substance but not enough to be in a great relationship and he appeals to cheap women (of which I know many of you are not).

The Filet-o-Fish Guy, is a little different. I mean, it's not really a burger, but there are men that correlate well with the Filet-o-Fish. It doesn't really fit in and people only eat it on the Fridays of Lent that they can't have meat. It leaves a weird taste in your mouth and makes people kind of avoid talking to you face to face. It comes with sauce, but it's kind of tart. The Filet-o-Fish guy doesn't really fit in with most people and he is only good for a certain time period and then after they leave a kind of stale taste in your mouth. They're different, dry on the inside and tarty and acerbic on the out. All in all, not bad, but not good either.

Then we get the Big Mac. I mean this burger has it all. Special sauce, lettuce, cheese, multiple patties all stacked up into this one God of a burger. The Burger King Whopper is also akin to the Big Mac. These burgers have all the meat you want and veggies too. 2 for 1 bonus! The Big Mac Guy (BMG), truly is the ultimate in men. He is stacked - literally. He has many flavors, all of which are delicious. This man can, and will fulfill your needs. He tastes and smells good, and has a multi-faceted personality. Lucky you to have a BMG. Lose the dry burgers ladies, get a Big Mac, hunker down and enjoy it for all its worth.

I got my own BMG, mine has a little bit of jalapenos in it - just enough to make him spicy but not too much that I get burned. Mmmm mmmm good!

Delectable Dude Thursday - "Chocolate Football Hottie"

Reggie, reggie, bo beggie. Banana fana fo feggie. Fee fi mo meggie. REGGIE! C'mon ladies, just look at him in all his glorious hotness. It is okay to get a little excited, he is one smokin' hot brotha! Ok, so he's dated (is dating) Kim Kardashian. He hasn't married her yet. There is still a chance that you can snag this football god of ultimate hot hot hottiness. Well, we can dream of it anyway. I know Reggie occupies many a woman's dreams.

He's so hot and he seems to be a pretty normal, down to earth kind of guy. Very sweet and did I say he was hot? Oh yeah, I did, just checking.

Hot as Hell!!!!

I'm just griping here, but it's been fricken' hot as hell lately. Tradewinds, please come back. My room has been like a sweatbox for a prison over the past couple of nights and I literally feel like I want to punch something it's so damn hot. Air conditioning is one of the only reasons I look forward to coming to work in the morning. Yes, my job still sucks but at least I get free a/c. It is October already, why the hell is it not getting COOLER. The temperature on my fan just says "hell" instead of a number. Okay, maybe I'm being overly dramatic but I don't care, it's fricken' hot.

By the way, my nephew learned a new word...instead of just gidiot, he says "Fricken' gidiot cars" now. I thought my sister was going to choke the first time he said it. I thought it was totally hilarious but of course I had to give the whole, "Fricken is a bad word" speech. Shit, she should be happy I didn't say "Fucking" instead of "Fricken". I mean jeez, fricken isn't a bad word.

McD's Monopoly has started!

Yay, McDonald's Monopoly has started. I've never really won anything of value with McDonald's Monopoly...but you never know. That next french fries could be your ticket to a cool million. Hey, we don't have a lottery here in Hawaii, I don't have any immediate plans to go to Vegas and I'm jonesing. McDonald's Monopoly is as close as I'm gonna get to REAL gambling for a while. So, I have to eek every single vibe out of it that I can. The website is: www.playatmcd.com.

I'm so jealous, my sister is going to Vegas today. My grams and one of my good friends is in Vegas right now. :sigh: I need to stop thinking about Vegas...and you know what I'm going to do right after this, check the Hawaiian Air website to see what the flights are going at. I'm such a suckah!

Delectable Dude Thursdays - "Greek Baseball Hottie"

Baseball yum yum Nick Markakis is this week's hottie. Nick plays outfield for the Baltimore Orioles and boy, I love the way he handles his bat. He can hit a homerun with me anytime! Can he play ball you ask? Well, I don't fricken know, nor do I care. He's my "Greek Baseball Hottie" (in case there's other hotties in baseball that I feel the urge to worship). As I sit here moving side to side so that his piercing eyes in the last photo can follow my every move. Yeah, I know, I'm a complete weirdo, but you have to agree, Nicky-poo is hot, hot, hot!

Nyquil kicks Marijuana's Ass

Seriously, Nyquil is way better than marijuana. I had a major cold for the past week but this past Saturday, I swear I almost hacked a lung so I finally decided to turn to some medication. I asked my sister to go to the store and get me some cough medicine and she came back with Nyquil. Whatever. I don't think I've ever taken Nyquil before, and I don't like to take medication in general, but believe me, if you could have heard me, I definitely needed it. First, I read the dosage requirements and then the warning in small print says "Do not exceed more than 4 doses in a 24 period, as taking more than 4 doses could severely damage your liver." WTF? Why would they sell you this stuff if it causes liver damage? Helloooooo FDA. Shouldn't this shit be regulated or something. I mean jeez, any Tom, Dick or Harry could buy this off the shelf and you don't even have to be 21 years old!

I digress. So after weighing the pros and cons of potential liver damage (since I already drink too much alcohol as it is anyway) and coughing up my left lung, I decided to take one 15 ml dose. That shit was like a miracle. My chest felt better within the hour and the coughing was reduced to almost nothingness. I could still feel the congestion in my chest but it wasn't as irritating as it had been previously. Then, I lwent to lay down on my bed to do some reading and BAM, I was out like a light. I crashed for like 3 hours straight. Now why is it better than Marijuana...well, first it stopped my coughing, not made me cough more. 2nd, I didn't feel like eating a whole cow the whole time I was on Nyquil. 3rd, when I woke up from my Nyquil induced sleep, I didn't feel all in a daze like how one feels after sleeping from smoking weed (or so I've heard).

Damn, I'm hardcore...Nyquil is my drug of choice. Lol. I was just talking to my neighbor about drugs (cause he's a bus driver and he sees a lot of tweekers on his route). I was thinking, why, why do drugs like cocaine or crystal meth? Shit, I don't want to stay up for 3 days at a time and have no desire to eat. Eating and sleeping are in the top 3 things I like to do list. I get little enough sleep as it is, so I cherish my sleepy time. Stupid tweekers, eat a burger and catch some zzzz's. Gotta be better than picking at the scabs on your skin and pulling the hair out of your eyebrows! Just say no to drugs...unless it's Nyquil and you are hacking a lung.

Did you ever have a friend...

Growing up, I had this awesome friend. He was the person that I did the every single "first" bad thing with. The first time I got drunk was with him. I think the first time he smoked a cigarette was with me. The first time I saw a full on porno, was with him. And no, it wasn't pervy, it was all pretty horrifying at that age and we ended up throwing the thing in the bushes.

We both had other friends as we went through high school but he and I always hung in the same crowd. We both made other friends after high school but I knew that whenever I went home (he lived up the street from me) I could just pop in at his house and we would be teenagers all over again, talking like we had just seen each other the day before. I hope he knew that he could count on me anytime he needed anything. Whenever he came to Honolulu, we partied like there was no tomorrow.

He was so ballsy. I mean, when we were 12 years old, we used to take his parents BRAND NEW car and cruise around the neighborhood like it was normal. Like it wouldn't be weird to see 2 12 year olds driving a car around with paper plates. It's not like the people in the neighborhood didn't know us or how old we were! And yet, we never got caught. And even if we did, he would have been the one that would have been busted, not me. I feel like I rode the coattails of all the adventures we had as kids and he would always be the one taking all the risks and I kind of went along for the ride. He could make me laugh like no other person I knew and he often did.

Now, all I feel is regret. Regret that God didn't give me more time with him. Regret that I didn't go home more often and hang out with him. Regret that the last time I saw him, I opted not to go with him to a party with some other friends, but stayed home instead. Regret that the last time I spoke with him, I never told him what an awesome friend I thought he was and that he made growing up so much fun. I feel like I lost something too, I lost one of the best friends I ever had but am thankful for the memories I was blessed with.

Delectable Dude Thursdays - "Crime Drama Hottie"

Shemar, how do I love thee. Let me count the ways.
1. I'd like to lick hot chocolate off your mocha latte body and use my tongue to define your muscles. Whoa, did I really just say all that. HELL YEAH!
2. I could melt to oooey gooey nothingness over that smirky smile that you sometimes give.
3. I want to drown in those 2 perfect pools that other people just call eyes...I could go on and on about the countless ways that I adore this man. Double :sigh: Way too fricken' hot.