The Catch-Up

Wow, it's been more than a hot minute since I last posted. Much changes going on in the life. The major change is that I moved to Oregon in April. Yay!!!! Now Javier just can't get rid of me...hehehe. So far, I've really enjoyed Oregon. I hope to get back into the blogging thing, because well, I need it. It's my way of releasing aggression while being creative. Or an excuse to whine, take your pick.
Hopefully more blogs to come!

I'm a Bar Psychotherapist

I love the Mai Tai bar, so we often find ourselves there on a Friday or Saturday evening, having a few drinks and meeting the most interesting people. On this particular Friday, I was a little tired and wanted to flake, I've determined that I will try to lead a flake free life this year. So D, M and I are at Mai Tai, having hilarious conversation and partaking of more than one picture of beer. I'm feeling a little bitchy and there was a guy standing in front of us. I tell D and M, "How's this guy in front, he thinks he's so fricken hot and he's so not, acting all bad ass. Whatevah!" Then not 5 minutes later, the guy turns around and says, "Hi ladies, how you guys doing tonight? Having a good time?" I thought, man, I'm such a jerkbag. That guy was pretty nice after all. And yet, I still haven't learned my lesson for the night about making assumptions about people.

So later, I look across from us and see a certain local celebrity with minor national success and I say to my friends like a wiseass, "Oh no, I don't think this place is big enough for us and --'s ego." I'm assuming that he's a chauvanistic bastard right? He was talking to some girl that totally looked like she wanted to bone him. So a couple minutes later, he comes up to D and says something and I see her pointing to me. So he comes over and asks my opinion on something that the girl was telling him so I said, "All she really wants to do is oof you." Still a little sassy because at this point I still think he's Ego Man! He just turns and says, "Really? Do you think she wants to oof me?" I take a better look at him and realize that he's being serious and say yeah, she does. Let's call him Sunny for the sake of this story. And no, it doesn't have anything to do with him, I just looked outside and saw the sun so his nickname will be Sunny.

So we engage in a conversation about the girl when another guy on the other side of me (that I thought was pretty cute at first) says, "Eh, your friend in the green, she get one boyfriend." I look at D and say, "No". He then tells me, "You lie, I know she get one boyfriend!" My response, "Yeah, because I like to walk around bars telling random guys that my friends don't have boyfriends when they really do." His reaction, "Huh?" My disgust, "It's called sarcasm. You might want to try it sometime." Duh! His pickup line then was "Ask her if she ever had one guy with one six-pack?" "Uh, you mean a six-pack Heineken's cause I don't see no other kind of six-pack around here." Yeah, he was pretty special the Heiny boy was.

Then Sunny comes back and starts talking about girls and says he has a girlfriend that is perfect in almost every way. She 's beautiful, sweet, has a good job and is in general a nice person, he just doesn't want to oof her every night. Then he started going on this rant asking if that makes him a bad person. He said that he is older and needs to settle down and an attitude like would be more acceptable if he was 21 but not know that he's in his late 30's. While he is telling me this, Heiny Boy is pulling my shirt telling me to hook him up with my friend. I mean seriously guys, do I look like Dr. Fricken Ruth? So finally, I tell D, "Eh, this guy like oof you." The guy was like "No! I never say that! I never say I wanted to oof her!" So I said, "You didn't have to say that you wanted to oof her. Ultimately, that's what you want is to get in her panties, or did you think she was hot and just wanted to have super exciting conversation with her?" He didn't really respond because I think he was shame. He did end up asking her for her number but told her, "I don't have a phone so I going remember the first 3 numbers and tell my friend to memorize the last 4." See - special.

So after a few hours of having some kind of drunken, counseling session with Sunny. All the while, I'm trying to maintain my buzz and have a good time and still be comforting and give good advice. My parting words to him as we were leaving Mai Tai, "Just behave your damn self!"

Phew! Now that was an unusual night at Mai Tai - still entertaining and drunken. One major downside - Saturday hangovers suck. As I age, the recovery time from a night of drinking gets longer and longer, so I was pretty much cabbage all that Saturday. I did learn that I am a super judgemental person and what I thought about every sinle one of those guys was completely different than what they actually were like and so I just need to stop being a damn negative bitch and believe better of people. LMAO, like that's going to happen.

Vegas Craps

I miss Vegas. I really do. I haven't been there in over a year. A whole year without the bright lights of Vegas. It's not the whole of Vegas that I miss...it's actually the craps table. I have often found myself engaged in serious discussion about Craps betting philosophies with multiple people. For those of you that have never had a chance to partake of the fun that is craps...you're really missing out. I can't sit in front of a slot machine forever because I get bored and frustrated. The craps table though. Every time I walk past it, I'm rubber-necking to see what the point is or to see how a table is doing.
I'm an emotional craps player too. I have all these...rituals let's call it. And I didn't develop these rituals on my own, it's from going to Vegas with Debra. I know it. She brings out the dork in me.

The rituals:
- before playing our first game of craps, we have to go to the wall of fame and touch the plaque of Mel Tupinio. (No, we don't know who he is, but he's from Wahiawa and so is Deb so we figure by touching his plaque, we might have good luck)
- we will usually jump on a table that is NOT crowded
- we will usually play with dealers that we think look nice or that we've played with before. once we establish a repore (sp?) with a dealer, we will most likely play the table that dealer is dealing on almost every time
- if we are on a table with someone that we don't like (asshole-like, no pass betters, etc...) we will make every attempt to avoid playing on a table that person is playing on in the future. if he/she comes to a table that we're already on, we will most likely leave the table shortly after.
- when i throw the dice, i like to have the 3's showing in a v pattern with the point facing out.
- we like to nickname the people that play on the tables with us. the names are not very original and are kind of lame. some notable favorites - uncle bearded man (because the guy had a beard), uncle jingles (he used to like to jingle his chips in his pocket), bazooka (she had a bazooka shirt on), pearl city (he had a pearl city hat on)...our creativity at work here.
- i almost always lay a dealer bet when i lay a hard ways bet for myself.

I'm sure there are more rituals, but as I'm writing this blog, I'm starting to jones even more for Vegas so I need to stop. The rituals all seem a little chronic, and it is. The betting philosophy is even more complicated. Everyone has their own and I'm extremely conservative whereas Deb is a little more daring so she'll usually win bigger than me or lose faster than me.

Vegas Rocks!

Don't Put Your Shit Undies in the Car

Oh my God, I totally forgot about this story that K (the K from the previous story) told us about another one of our co-workers. The guy he's talking about is an older, japanese guy. Little bit skebe but overall a cool guy. (Skebe = pervyish. Consider this your pidgin' lesson for today). We'll just call him Skebs for the sake of this story. So K tells us that a while ago, Skebs went to the bathroom and when he came back, he blurts out to K. "I made doodoo in my pants so I took off my underwear and put it in my car." Ok...that is LMFAO. I was like, why in the hell would he TELL you that he did that? S was cracking up because he was like, why the hell is he keeping the damn doo doo bvd's. Just throw the damn thing away. I asked if it was alot of doo doo and K's response "I don't fricken know, after he told me that, I didn't ask him to see it! But, I don't think it was alot because he came back to work after."



On a different note, I seem to write alot about, doo doo and botos (penis'). I think doots conversations are funny and I'm obsessed with boto. I mean, I am JUST a woman afterall but penis is awesome. I often like to ask my female friends what they would do if they had a penis. I know the first thing I would do is pee standing up. I would start off with a toilet but I know that I'd have to pee on a tree and for sure and then spell my name in pee. I'd kind of want to swing it around a bit, kinda like I would twirl a rope/string in my hand or something. Then, I would probably like to whack some guy in the face or poke them in the eye with my boto. Lol. Don't ask me why, it just seems like it would be fun.

Friends With Benefits

This weekend sure was hectic. Worked on Friday night, 2 parties on Saturday and then worked again on Sunday. It felt like I didn't have any time for myself. On Saturday, went to my friend's kid's birthday party during lunch-ish and then in the evening, got to gether with some old gecko-mates (people I used to work with at GEICO). That was awesome since we don't always have a chance to get together and I really missed them! Seriously, I must have the most awesome friends in the world. They are so damn funny.

Let's take my friend K. We were sitting around the table and talking and somehow, K's dating life comes up. He says that he's been "seeing" this girl for a little while. When grilled further by the girls about the seriousness of this relationship, he admits to the fact that this girl is not his "girlfriend", she is a girl he sees about once a week that he engages in sexual activities with. Basically, they're FTF'ers. Then K goes on to tell us, that he met her one night when he was all drunk at a bar and that is how they hooked up. He proceeds to say that he didn't even know her name the first 3 times they went out! I was like, shut the hell up. He said that he was serious and that he had tried calling her voicemail to see if he could figure out her name but her voicemail didn't have her name on it. He even made a friend of his call her and ask for "Mary." When the girl responded that it was the wrong number, his friend said, "Oh, who's this?" but then the girl hung up. On the 3rd or 4th time they hung out, he got her wasted and waited until she passed out and then looked at her ID in her wallet. I asked him what was wrong with her that he didn't want to settle down with her. His answer was, "She has fake boobs! I can't settle down with a girl that has fake boobs. That is a sign of someone that is too materialistic." I'm sure he didn't think they were too materalistic when they were bouncing around in his face! He finished that conversation with "I hope she dumps me soon." :sigh: Boys. You boys seriously do let your weiner do too much of the thinking for you sometime.

All in all, it was a great weekend, the only thing that could have made it better was an extra day off.

Shit, My Truck is Broken!!!!

That's right, my beloved Toyota Tacoma Prerunner is fricken' broken. I really loved that truck okay. And no, not in an unhealthy, freaky way. It's just that, I had always wanted a Toyota Truck and when I got this one, it was like all the planets were aligned. It was 4 door - so perfect for when I have to transport people. It was a truck so I could feel kinda rugged AND it was a Toyota, it was supposed to last me forever. Who the hell knew forever only meant 8 years.

Well, you may be asking at this point what's wrong with the truck. It has a hole in the engine. Yup. Hole. A hole means you have to replace the engine, you can't fix it. All in all, the engine plus another part, plus the labor would have cost me upwards of $10,000. Yeah, sucks. Major. When I first found out, I was so fricken pissed, but you know, can't dwell on the negatives. There were a bunch of positives to the situation that I'll have to fill you all in on later.

As for my truck, my uncle in Kona said that he wanted it and he would pay me for it - $4,000. Then I had the truck towed to my house from the shop and the tow truck guy offered me $5,000 for it. My uncle was cool with that so I'm just waiting on the tow truck guy to come and pay me and pick up the truck and it's aloha 'oe frankie. No more Toyota Tacoma. My truck's name is Kula, so of course, I had to have a shot on Saturday in memory of him. Bye Kula!

Beer + Greasy Food = Doots

I called Javier the other day and he sounded a little out of breath. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was walking back from the store but he had to call me back later. I was like ok. When he called me back, he said that he was breathing hard because he was super rushing to go home because had to take a doots. Before I go on , let me give you the background of this conversation. A couple weeks before, Javier had gone drinking (and he drank so much they lost one of his friends somewhere in some neighborhood - but that's for a different story). Suffice it to say, he drank alot. The next day, he was hungry and so he went to Burger King. After he ate, he had to take a massive dump (you know, the kind where you're sweating already). My brother calls it turtles - because the doots keeps poking it's head out of the hole. Yes, my brother is retarded. By the way, doots is DOO DOO in case you didn't know.

Anyways, Javier thought that something must have been bad in the burger because he was practically running home so he could drop a load. I said, no, it's a mixture of all that alcohol in your system and then you go and eat this greasy burger, no wonder your system went into full purge mode. And you know what? He had the nerve to argue with me. I'm like, hello, I'm always fricken right. You need to go back to girlfriend school and re-take that lesson. So, he was all disbelieving, thinking I was wrong and making stuff up. Then, we get to where this blog started. He had gone out drinking the night before - and drank alot again. Of course, the next day, he's hungry so he goes to KFC (because he's been avoiding the "bad" burgers at Burger King). Lo and behold, what happens? That's right - doots fest. So then he tells me, "Oh, sweety, you know, I think you might be right about that beer thing with greasy food." Uh huh. That's right. I was right....AGAIN. Men, make a mental note. When your wife/girlfriend gives you sage words of advice, just believe it. Because either I really was right or I have some girlfriend juju that will do things to you to make it seem like I'm right because if I, as a woman, were not right, that would just upset the whole balance of the universe.