Delectable Dude Thursday - "The Superhero Hottie"

Yes, please!  Well helloo Chris Hemsworth you delicious hunk of man.  Wow, never thought of all the superheroes that I'd crush on it would be Thor.  He's all hot, yummy, man candy.  Did you see those eyes.  That cut in the waist.  Those washboard abs.  Again, yes please!  Sign me up for that fanclub.  And he LOOKS like he smells delicious.  I don't know how he does it, but I'm all in!

Some of the Dumbest Things I've Heard Today

A couple of days ago, one of my customers said that he often has difficulty hiring because of the lack of common sense skills he has encountered in his applicants.  I agreed with him although was a little disbelieving considering that teenagers and 20 somethings can probably spin circles around me using their smartphones.  I need to remind myself that being tech savvy has nothing to do with having plain old common sense.

Example 1:  A guy comes in with a Free Family Fun Night Pass from a local family type game place with race cars and miniature golf. He tells me he needs 7 copies of the pass.  I look at it and look at him and ask him if he worked at that location and he lied so effortlessly.  He responds, with an uh yeah.  I said really?  So, because this item is technically owned by the fun center, making copies of it when he didn't have the right to is fraudulent.  He continued to say that he worked there.  I said ok, let me just call them to verify that it is ok to make the copies of the pass to ensure that we aren't doing anything illegal.  He picked up his pass and walked out.  Dude, I am not as dumb as you look.

Example 2:  Customer comes in and says "I need to fax this paper."  Ok, the fax machine is right here, you would need to place the document face down on the top.  She sticks it face up on the bottom and says, "Like this?"  Big sigh, shakes my head and repeats s-l-o-w-l-y, face down, which means the printed side down and on the tooooppp.  To top it off, she comes in later and has to fax something else and asks me how to do it again and asks if she still has to dial a 1 first since she already dialed a 1 the last time.

Example 3:  A guy comes in to ship his package.  He tells me that when he shipped the last time, he had a shipping label.  This time, it's going to the same place but he doesn't have a label BUT he went to FedEx.com and tracked the package and took a picture with his phone of his computer screen that shows that the original package was delivered and if I can generate a label with that information.  Ummm, no.  You do realize that the tracking number is unique to each package so that those packages can be tracked to ensure they reach their appropriate destinations.  He looks at me like I'm talking German.  Sooo, you can't make a label with that information?  No guy, no I can't.

Luckily for these boobs...one of my favorite if not my favorite customer came in today.  Isaac Billeter, if you ever come across this mention, you were the shining light in my otherwise somewhat abysmal day.  If any of you have had the chance to experience Mr. Billeter, you have been made better for it.  He is the epitome of a modern renaissance man and brings joy to all those he encounters.  He seems to have done some amazing things in his 70+ years of life and definitely exudes happiness, empathy and wisdom.  Thank you Isaac for saving the day!

Save Me From Homophobes!

This past week in Hawaii, a special legislative session convened to rule on the marriage equality issue.  As expected, there has been much discussion of this on my social media feeds lately...which is exciting.  Facebook was blowing up with discussion on the topic itself as well as reactions to testimonies and actions on both sides of the fence.

There shouldn't be any doubt as to my position on marriage equality.  I am not secretive of how I feel about it.  I try to be respectful of those that don't agree with it, try to be sensitive of those that have religious issues with homosexuality...but a person can only take so much ignorance.  When I say ignorance, I mean the obtuseness of people, irrational fears, idiotic comparisons...the list could go on for quite a while.  Although I am not homosexual, I love my mahus (mahu is a Hawaiian word which refers to gay guys - loosely translated) and the mahus love me.  I'm telling you, that if it weren't for the not being sexually attracted to me thing, I would probably end up married to a gay man.  

After seeing some of the testimony that took place and reading many of the feeds in regards to the issue, I have compiled a list of things that I feel need to be addressed...

1.  Gay is here to stay.  It was here before we allowed same sex marriage, it will be here if you don't allow it.  Homosexuality does not solely exist because people of the same sex can marry each other.  Those that are not LGBT friendly, seem to believe that our society will break down because two dudes get married.  Seriously people, you want society to stop its moral decline, STOP DENYING PEOPLE THEIR RIGHTS!  There is a slew of things that would prevent the moral decline...stop letting your daughters dress like whores, stop letting your sons treat women like sexual objects, stop praising Kim Kardashian...shit, the list is endless.

2.  Not everyone is a Christian. Stop living in your fricken' religious bubble.  Just because the bible says something doesn't make it true (holy blasphemy).  For years, Christians have picked and chosen what they follow in the bible.  Shocker that they would use Sodom and Gomorrah references to support their religious anti-gay rants.  Never mind that the bible also bans shellfish, tattoos, adultery.  Frick, adultery was one of the 10 commandments, you know, those two stone tablets written by the finger of God...come on Christians, let's jail adulterers.  Oops, how many of you are down with that?! Devout Muslims and Jews don't consume pork based on their religious beliefs.  You don't see them asking for pork to be banned.  Just because the majority of Americans are some sect of Christianity, doesn't mean you can impose your religious beliefs or followings on those that are not.  Remember the whole religious freedoms thing that we enjoy as Americans.

3. The misguided thought that same-sex marriage threatens traditional marriage.  This one always cracks me up.  DIVORCE threatens traditional marriage.  When has another person's marriage ever affected your own?  Never.  So Bambi and Kiki get married.  Umm...okay.  And?  Exactly!  And so how does that affect you...oh wait I get it.  You are in a loveless marriage with a person that you despise and you plot everyday how you would get out of it.  Seeing Kiki and Bambi living happily together in loving married bliss makes you hate yourself and your life even more therefore forcing you to seek a divorce because you are jealous of the love and life that they share.  Riight, so totally the gays' fault.

4. The absolutely ridiculous notion that allowing same sex marriage would somehow lead to allowing incestual marriages and polygamy.  To break it down...one thing has as much to do with the others as UH football team having a chance to be the National Champions this year.  Additionally religious nuts - polygamy was a practice of Mormons in the 1800's but not solely restricted to them.  You remember the Mormons...jeez, they own a whole state and a couple universities.  And, who gives a shit if a guy is married to 2, 3, 4, 5 women.  If all parties are consenting adults that are knowledgable of the situation....sure beats that douchebag with a wife and kids with 3 girlfriends on the side.  And as far as incest goes, stereotypes indicate that in the deep south, right in the hold of the bible belt, rednecks be marrying their brothers and sisters.  To go a little deeper into history, many royal families practiced incest regularly as a way of keeping the royal bloodlines pure and strong.  Hawaiians were no exception to this belief.  Somehow, God had a way of fixing that whole incest problem...well, seeing as how in-breeding tends to mutate genes and cause sterility and eventually the demise of those royal families and practice.  Seeing as how God had the power and foresight to take care of that issue, and give gay men amazing fashion sense and fabulosity really leads me to believe that God has got his/her shit together!

Wet Butt

My sister tells me yesterday that she, my cousin and my nephews went to the mall, (my cousin also posted it on her facebook) when my 4 year old nephew says "Mom, my butt is wet. I think it's because I farted." Bwahahahaha. Super funny. Suffice it to say, he had a wet fart, you know the kind. Anyways, he says later "I farted then water came out." My sister said that they couldn't stop laughing in Sears. Not really the place I'd consider optimal for the wet fart conversation.

The Catch-Up

Wow, it's been more than a hot minute since I last posted. Much changes going on in the life. The major change is that I moved to Oregon in April. Yay!!!! Now Javier just can't get rid of me...hehehe. So far, I've really enjoyed Oregon. I hope to get back into the blogging thing, because well, I need it. It's my way of releasing aggression while being creative. Or an excuse to whine, take your pick.
Hopefully more blogs to come!

I'm a Bar Psychotherapist

I love the Mai Tai bar, so we often find ourselves there on a Friday or Saturday evening, having a few drinks and meeting the most interesting people. On this particular Friday, I was a little tired and wanted to flake, I've determined that I will try to lead a flake free life this year. So D, M and I are at Mai Tai, having hilarious conversation and partaking of more than one picture of beer. I'm feeling a little bitchy and there was a guy standing in front of us. I tell D and M, "How's this guy in front, he thinks he's so fricken hot and he's so not, acting all bad ass. Whatevah!" Then not 5 minutes later, the guy turns around and says, "Hi ladies, how you guys doing tonight? Having a good time?" I thought, man, I'm such a jerkbag. That guy was pretty nice after all. And yet, I still haven't learned my lesson for the night about making assumptions about people.

So later, I look across from us and see a certain local celebrity with minor national success and I say to my friends like a wiseass, "Oh no, I don't think this place is big enough for us and --'s ego." I'm assuming that he's a chauvanistic bastard right? He was talking to some girl that totally looked like she wanted to bone him. So a couple minutes later, he comes up to D and says something and I see her pointing to me. So he comes over and asks my opinion on something that the girl was telling him so I said, "All she really wants to do is oof you." Still a little sassy because at this point I still think he's Ego Man! He just turns and says, "Really? Do you think she wants to oof me?" I take a better look at him and realize that he's being serious and say yeah, she does. Let's call him Sunny for the sake of this story. And no, it doesn't have anything to do with him, I just looked outside and saw the sun so his nickname will be Sunny.

So we engage in a conversation about the girl when another guy on the other side of me (that I thought was pretty cute at first) says, "Eh, your friend in the green, she get one boyfriend." I look at D and say, "No". He then tells me, "You lie, I know she get one boyfriend!" My response, "Yeah, because I like to walk around bars telling random guys that my friends don't have boyfriends when they really do." His reaction, "Huh?" My disgust, "It's called sarcasm. You might want to try it sometime." Duh! His pickup line then was "Ask her if she ever had one guy with one six-pack?" "Uh, you mean a six-pack Heineken's cause I don't see no other kind of six-pack around here." Yeah, he was pretty special the Heiny boy was.

Then Sunny comes back and starts talking about girls and says he has a girlfriend that is perfect in almost every way. She 's beautiful, sweet, has a good job and is in general a nice person, he just doesn't want to oof her every night. Then he started going on this rant asking if that makes him a bad person. He said that he is older and needs to settle down and an attitude like would be more acceptable if he was 21 but not know that he's in his late 30's. While he is telling me this, Heiny Boy is pulling my shirt telling me to hook him up with my friend. I mean seriously guys, do I look like Dr. Fricken Ruth? So finally, I tell D, "Eh, this guy like oof you." The guy was like "No! I never say that! I never say I wanted to oof her!" So I said, "You didn't have to say that you wanted to oof her. Ultimately, that's what you want is to get in her panties, or did you think she was hot and just wanted to have super exciting conversation with her?" He didn't really respond because I think he was shame. He did end up asking her for her number but told her, "I don't have a phone so I going remember the first 3 numbers and tell my friend to memorize the last 4." See - special.

So after a few hours of having some kind of drunken, counseling session with Sunny. All the while, I'm trying to maintain my buzz and have a good time and still be comforting and give good advice. My parting words to him as we were leaving Mai Tai, "Just behave your damn self!"

Phew! Now that was an unusual night at Mai Tai - still entertaining and drunken. One major downside - Saturday hangovers suck. As I age, the recovery time from a night of drinking gets longer and longer, so I was pretty much cabbage all that Saturday. I did learn that I am a super judgemental person and what I thought about every sinle one of those guys was completely different than what they actually were like and so I just need to stop being a damn negative bitch and believe better of people. LMAO, like that's going to happen.

Vegas Craps

I miss Vegas. I really do. I haven't been there in over a year. A whole year without the bright lights of Vegas. It's not the whole of Vegas that I miss...it's actually the craps table. I have often found myself engaged in serious discussion about Craps betting philosophies with multiple people. For those of you that have never had a chance to partake of the fun that is craps...you're really missing out. I can't sit in front of a slot machine forever because I get bored and frustrated. The craps table though. Every time I walk past it, I'm rubber-necking to see what the point is or to see how a table is doing.
I'm an emotional craps player too. I have all these...rituals let's call it. And I didn't develop these rituals on my own, it's from going to Vegas with Debra. I know it. She brings out the dork in me.

The rituals:
- before playing our first game of craps, we have to go to the wall of fame and touch the plaque of Mel Tupinio. (No, we don't know who he is, but he's from Wahiawa and so is Deb so we figure by touching his plaque, we might have good luck)
- we will usually jump on a table that is NOT crowded
- we will usually play with dealers that we think look nice or that we've played with before. once we establish a repore (sp?) with a dealer, we will most likely play the table that dealer is dealing on almost every time
- if we are on a table with someone that we don't like (asshole-like, no pass betters, etc...) we will make every attempt to avoid playing on a table that person is playing on in the future. if he/she comes to a table that we're already on, we will most likely leave the table shortly after.
- when i throw the dice, i like to have the 3's showing in a v pattern with the point facing out.
- we like to nickname the people that play on the tables with us. the names are not very original and are kind of lame. some notable favorites - uncle bearded man (because the guy had a beard), uncle jingles (he used to like to jingle his chips in his pocket), bazooka (she had a bazooka shirt on), pearl city (he had a pearl city hat on)...our creativity at work here.
- i almost always lay a dealer bet when i lay a hard ways bet for myself.

I'm sure there are more rituals, but as I'm writing this blog, I'm starting to jones even more for Vegas so I need to stop. The rituals all seem a little chronic, and it is. The betting philosophy is even more complicated. Everyone has their own and I'm extremely conservative whereas Deb is a little more daring so she'll usually win bigger than me or lose faster than me.

Vegas Rocks!

Don't Put Your Shit Undies in the Car

Oh my God, I totally forgot about this story that K (the K from the previous story) told us about another one of our co-workers. The guy he's talking about is an older, japanese guy. Little bit skebe but overall a cool guy. (Skebe = pervyish. Consider this your pidgin' lesson for today). We'll just call him Skebs for the sake of this story. So K tells us that a while ago, Skebs went to the bathroom and when he came back, he blurts out to K. "I made doodoo in my pants so I took off my underwear and put it in my car." Ok...that is LMFAO. I was like, why in the hell would he TELL you that he did that? S was cracking up because he was like, why the hell is he keeping the damn doo doo bvd's. Just throw the damn thing away. I asked if it was alot of doo doo and K's response "I don't fricken know, after he told me that, I didn't ask him to see it! But, I don't think it was alot because he came back to work after."



On a different note, I seem to write alot about, doo doo and botos (penis'). I think doots conversations are funny and I'm obsessed with boto. I mean, I am JUST a woman afterall but penis is awesome. I often like to ask my female friends what they would do if they had a penis. I know the first thing I would do is pee standing up. I would start off with a toilet but I know that I'd have to pee on a tree and for sure and then spell my name in pee. I'd kind of want to swing it around a bit, kinda like I would twirl a rope/string in my hand or something. Then, I would probably like to whack some guy in the face or poke them in the eye with my boto. Lol. Don't ask me why, it just seems like it would be fun.

Friends With Benefits

This weekend sure was hectic. Worked on Friday night, 2 parties on Saturday and then worked again on Sunday. It felt like I didn't have any time for myself. On Saturday, went to my friend's kid's birthday party during lunch-ish and then in the evening, got to gether with some old gecko-mates (people I used to work with at GEICO). That was awesome since we don't always have a chance to get together and I really missed them! Seriously, I must have the most awesome friends in the world. They are so damn funny.

Let's take my friend K. We were sitting around the table and talking and somehow, K's dating life comes up. He says that he's been "seeing" this girl for a little while. When grilled further by the girls about the seriousness of this relationship, he admits to the fact that this girl is not his "girlfriend", she is a girl he sees about once a week that he engages in sexual activities with. Basically, they're FTF'ers. Then K goes on to tell us, that he met her one night when he was all drunk at a bar and that is how they hooked up. He proceeds to say that he didn't even know her name the first 3 times they went out! I was like, shut the hell up. He said that he was serious and that he had tried calling her voicemail to see if he could figure out her name but her voicemail didn't have her name on it. He even made a friend of his call her and ask for "Mary." When the girl responded that it was the wrong number, his friend said, "Oh, who's this?" but then the girl hung up. On the 3rd or 4th time they hung out, he got her wasted and waited until she passed out and then looked at her ID in her wallet. I asked him what was wrong with her that he didn't want to settle down with her. His answer was, "She has fake boobs! I can't settle down with a girl that has fake boobs. That is a sign of someone that is too materialistic." I'm sure he didn't think they were too materalistic when they were bouncing around in his face! He finished that conversation with "I hope she dumps me soon." :sigh: Boys. You boys seriously do let your weiner do too much of the thinking for you sometime.

All in all, it was a great weekend, the only thing that could have made it better was an extra day off.

Shit, My Truck is Broken!!!!

That's right, my beloved Toyota Tacoma Prerunner is fricken' broken. I really loved that truck okay. And no, not in an unhealthy, freaky way. It's just that, I had always wanted a Toyota Truck and when I got this one, it was like all the planets were aligned. It was 4 door - so perfect for when I have to transport people. It was a truck so I could feel kinda rugged AND it was a Toyota, it was supposed to last me forever. Who the hell knew forever only meant 8 years.

Well, you may be asking at this point what's wrong with the truck. It has a hole in the engine. Yup. Hole. A hole means you have to replace the engine, you can't fix it. All in all, the engine plus another part, plus the labor would have cost me upwards of $10,000. Yeah, sucks. Major. When I first found out, I was so fricken pissed, but you know, can't dwell on the negatives. There were a bunch of positives to the situation that I'll have to fill you all in on later.

As for my truck, my uncle in Kona said that he wanted it and he would pay me for it - $4,000. Then I had the truck towed to my house from the shop and the tow truck guy offered me $5,000 for it. My uncle was cool with that so I'm just waiting on the tow truck guy to come and pay me and pick up the truck and it's aloha 'oe frankie. No more Toyota Tacoma. My truck's name is Kula, so of course, I had to have a shot on Saturday in memory of him. Bye Kula!