Green Bottle Affliction - GBAf

Why is it that local guys loooooove their green bottles? If you don't know what green bottles are...well...I'd rather give you a for example instead of just tell you outright...just because it's more funny that way. Let me break down a typical Friday afternoon conversation:

Moke 1: What brah, pahty tonight?
Translation: Hi friend, would you like to go drinking tonight?

Moke 2: Shoots cuz, green bottles all night long!
Translation: Ok relative, I'd like to drink (either Heineken or Steinlager but usually Heineken) tonight until I'm wasted and I don't even know my own name or I'm incoherent.


Sometimes I feel as though it's a crime to drink brown bottles. If you drink a brown bottle, hopefully it's Coors Light or Bud Light because they don't seem to give you as much shit. Try drinking something different like a dark beer and suddenly you're like an alien.

I've named the disease that these guys have - Green Bottle Affliction.

Green Bottle Affliction is a disease that normally attacks local guys. It is more prevalent on the neighbor islands than on O'ahu but it is not isolated to neighbor islands. Green Bottle Affliction or GBAf causes males and the occasional female to spotaneously yell "chee-hoo" or "yee-doggay" and use the slang "bull", "cuz", "brah", "braddah" or anything else of the like when referring to each other. Often times, in a casual setting, GBAf-ers are seen playing Portguese and Regular Horseshoes. Tattoos are a common mark found among those that suffer from GBAf though piercings are pretty rare. GBAf-ers are by nature pretty jovial but they can be angered easily if they feel you have slighted them. If you do sense their anger, walk away slowly but do not turn your back on them. While walking backwards, apologize profusely. GBAf-ers do regularly recycle due to the huge volume of bottles that they tend to accumulate. Their favorite form of music is Reggae or Jawaiian and GBAf-ers can be found skanking if they've had enough green bottles. GBAf-ers will usually accept those that drink the following beers but do not often make acceptions: Coors Light, Budweiser, Bud Light and Corona.

GBAf is highly contagious and once you contract it, you most likely will never be able to get rid of it. For preventive maintenance, avoid going to bars like Mai Tai or Chez Monique although most GBAf-ers prefer the comfort of their own garage or the garage of other known GBAf-ers.

Knowledge is power, use it wisely. Ha!